Luciano Pavarotti died this past week. It’s been all over the news. He was a legend in music world having a celebrated tenor voice. It has taken me a little while to be able to write about this mainly because he died of pancreatic cancer, and if anyone has been paying attention to my blog, pancreatic cancer is a bit of a tough subject for me to discuss. I wish really that the news programs would have concentrated more on his life in music then on the fact that he died of this disease. I’m sure many would have rather listened to him sing rather then listening to a reporter repeat statistics of how many people a year die of pancreatic cancer, or how horrible a cancer it is to treat and live with. Most do not survive this cancer. Pavorotti lasted 14 months after diagnosis, he did well relatively speaking. Mom lasted 3 ½ weeks. In my hotel room last Thursday morning watching CNN report on the death of Pavarotti, I was once again smacked in the face with a reminder of what happened to my mother. Reminded of what I lost, what my family lost, what so many people are dealing with on a daily basis.
Pancreatic cancer statistics are not anything that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Not a good blog topic normally, but after all, this is one of the reasons I’m doing this blog. Sometimes the hard, disturbing truths about cancer are needed to remind us that it affects everyone, everyday and it needs to be dealt with urgently. Pancreatic cancer, or adenocarcinoma of the pancreas is diagnosed each year more then 30,000 times alone in the US. Most of the people who are diagnosed will lose their lives within the first year. The survival rate, if left untreated, is on average about 3 ½ months; and with treatment is approximately 6 months. This is a difficult cancer to catch early. Symptoms are loss of appetite, nausea, pain and discomfort in the abdomen, and weight loss, all of which are not feelings that would ordinarily make you think you have a cancer. People might just feel as if they are coming down with a stomach virus. I know my mother complained for a few weeks of stomach discomfort, but she wrote it off to working too much and not eating properly. She had always had a history of stomach problems anyway. Yellowing of the skin or jaundice is probably the most common physical sign of pancreatic cancer. It is the fourth leading cause of cancer death in men and women, and most likely has the worst median survival period of any cancer. It’s painful too; very, very painful. I have said this before to some of my close friends, in a way, I’m happy that my mother did not have to endure the chemotherapy. I didn’t want her to have to suffer not only the pain from the cancer, but the horrible effects of the drugs being pumped through her system. Those drugs, in all likelihood would have only prolonged her life a few months.
I guess this is enough for one entry. I’m still having issues thinking about what has happened. I would much rather think about what can be done to help find a cure, or be a part of a support system to someone who has survived cancer. I would rather write about a success story. Maybe by being a part of this fundraiser, I’ll be a part of someone’s.
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday ride update...
Yesterday was HOT, damn HOT! The paper this morning reported that the temp was 102 degrees, with a heat index of 112 degrees. Now, even in the morning, it was hot. I’m sure these temperatures were the highs for the day, and I’m sure we were not riding with it feeling quite like that, but it was close, I promise you. We started at 0730 as I mentioned in the blog from Friday, and we were all off to a decent start. I did have my legs with me yesterday, unlike last weekend and I felt pretty darn good for the most part. I did sweat my backside off and consumed tons of water and ‘Gu.’ About 7 miles from the end, one of the riders cramped up really bad. It’s just a reminder that even the most seasoned riders have issues in the heat; it’s nothing to take lightly! I did ride better then last week, I finished the 41 mile route 45 minutes faster then last week even though it was hotter outside.
Following the ride, we were all sitting around complaining about the heat (of course). Everyone has their own methods to beat the heat, stay hydrated, and prevent cramping. There are all sorts of products out there to keep you going, salt and electrolyte tablets, gu packs, little fizzy tablets you drop in your water, water and more water... I could go on forever. One guy even mentioned drinking de-fizzed cola, for the sugar and caffeine. Though, I’m not too sure that’s for heat, more of an energy fix when you’re exhausted. The best way to beat the heat for all practical purposes is to just stay home and in the air conditioning... or go to a friends house with a pool and drink beer all day! But, for those of us that were twisted enough to be out there in the heat we all have our own methods, what works best for us individually. This is what I try to do: 1. drink a bottle of water (16oz) every 30-45 minutes, with some sort of electrolyte replacement, (I liked the HEED, and some of the guys swear by Perpetuem, both of which are made by Hammer nutrition) 2. Eat a Gu every 30-45 minutes rather then every hour in normal temperatures, 3. Lots and lots of sunscreen, 4. Dial back the pace a few notches, 5. Pray that there’s shade along the route, 6. If need be, STOP and take a break, there’s no point in killing yourself on a training ride, and last but not least... 7. Don’t ride with a hangover!
I’m not good with remembering my camera! I really wanted to take some pictures along the ride this time around, but I once again, forgot the camera. It might have been a good thing because instead of posting pictures, I found some links to share of the areas where we rode yesterday. More information, better photography too... take a look below. Plus, we were ‘kindly’ reminded by a local Chappell Hill resident yesterday that the town goes through a lot to keep up the public areas in the town where we park to start our ride. She did tell us that there’s a donation box for us to drop in some cash to help offset the cost to the town. It’s a very good idea, and I know I really appreciate the little area which they have set aside and refurbished. I think maybe she needs to work on her public relations and delivery skills though, she came across as a little rude, but hey, it’s her town. So, if anyone plans to ride out there... take a $5 or a $10 and throw it in the box. It’s the least we can do for using the public facilities that are available and obviously maintained on private money.
http://www.chappellhilltx.com/
http://www.tpwd.state.tx.us/spdest/findadest/parks/washington_on_the_brazos/
http://www.tpwd.state.tx.us/spdest/findadest/parks/washington_on_the_brazos/
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
The Image of Professional Athletes
This past weekend I was fortunate enough to witness two greats in the baseball world inducted into the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, NY. What a great atmosphere it was up there. An estimated 75,000 people turned up to watch and roast in sun as Cal Ripken Jr. of the Baltimore Orioles, and Tony Gwynn of the San Diego Padres took their place in baseball history. Not only were they leaders on the field, they were and continue to be leaders off the field by showing their support for their communities. Cal and Tony are model examples of how professional athletes should act on and off the field. That said, in the news recently, there have been constant reports of athletes cheating (steroids at the Tour de France, and that guy named BARRY BONDS), committing crimes (uhhhhhhh Michael Vick comes to mind), and just being all around disgraceful (the assholes on the Cincinnati Bengals football team, and A-Rod running around with that blonde tramp and getting caught...)! It used to be that when one was blessed with natural athletic ability they were proud and felt lucky to be able to make a living doing something that they loved. In recent times, many feel it is their right to play football or baseball or basketball or, whatever (take your pick)... and get paid ridiculous amount of money! I don’t even want to start on how MBA players act or the image that they seem to make an effort to display. $(@#$)(!%&$#^(@)#%()*^#$%&!
Anyway, during the induction speeches of both Ripken and Gwynn, they both touched on how they took a good look at themselves, their image, how they impacted the people around them, and all the children that looked up to them. They understood that what they did on the field or in the dug-out or out in public would be seen by thousands of children and adults alike. Their actions represented who they are and also projected a certain image of their sport. There is a need for more athletes like Cal and Tony. Their dedication, their drive, their hard work and solid values earned them a spot among baseballs elite. Congrats to Cal and Tony, and lets hope that the next generation of athletes aspire to follow in their footsteps rather then those of Mr. Bonds, Mr. Vick, or Mr. Landis.
Anyway, during the induction speeches of both Ripken and Gwynn, they both touched on how they took a good look at themselves, their image, how they impacted the people around them, and all the children that looked up to them. They understood that what they did on the field or in the dug-out or out in public would be seen by thousands of children and adults alike. Their actions represented who they are and also projected a certain image of their sport. There is a need for more athletes like Cal and Tony. Their dedication, their drive, their hard work and solid values earned them a spot among baseballs elite. Congrats to Cal and Tony, and lets hope that the next generation of athletes aspire to follow in their footsteps rather then those of Mr. Bonds, Mr. Vick, or Mr. Landis.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Blogs blogs and more blogs....
I read a lot of blogs, and I do write this one, but I have never posted a comment on any of those I read. Today was the exception. As I have mentioned before, I read NPR: My Cancer blog that’s written by Leroy Seivers. I even have a link to it off to the right too. I find pleasure in the way he writes and inspiration in the words. He seems to bring a different perspective to dealing with cancer. Anyway, I could go on and on praising his blog, but I wanted to post on this blog the comment I sent to his, so here you go.....
Leroy, I read every post you make. I have enjoyed and found inspiration in so many of them, but I have never felt the need to post a comment. Your entry today has been an exception. My mother called me on April 10, 2006 to tell me she was "sick", and that she was due to go to John’s Hopkins for tests in a few days. She never told me what was wrong with her, just that she was sick, and that she would know for sure what was wrong after the tests. She told me that she was having so much back pain that she finally had to break down and go to see a doctor. My mother was never one for doctors and now all of a sudden she was getting bombarded by them. Over the next few weeks, and many trips to Maryland from Texas, I don’t ever remember hearing the word cancer, not from the nurses, not from the doctors, not from those visiting her in the hospital. I don’t even remember the hospice nurses saying anything when she was finally allowed to go home. I know she never actually said it to me or around me. It seems like everyone just assumed, or was afraid to say the “c” word. Was it just me; was this the way I witnessed what was happening to my mother? Did people actually say the word and I tuned it out? She died from cancer; I know that, in her pancreas, liver and lungs, on May 5, 2006. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe her death was just my imagination too because everything happened so fast. I hoped for a long time that that was the case. No one ever said the word, maybe she never died. I miss her.
- Andrea Dixon, Houston
Ps, I blog my thoughts on cancer and memories of my mom at http://andreascyclingchronicles.blogspot.com
(If you have a chance, read what he wrote today... My comments above would make more sense. )
Leroy, I read every post you make. I have enjoyed and found inspiration in so many of them, but I have never felt the need to post a comment. Your entry today has been an exception. My mother called me on April 10, 2006 to tell me she was "sick", and that she was due to go to John’s Hopkins for tests in a few days. She never told me what was wrong with her, just that she was sick, and that she would know for sure what was wrong after the tests. She told me that she was having so much back pain that she finally had to break down and go to see a doctor. My mother was never one for doctors and now all of a sudden she was getting bombarded by them. Over the next few weeks, and many trips to Maryland from Texas, I don’t ever remember hearing the word cancer, not from the nurses, not from the doctors, not from those visiting her in the hospital. I don’t even remember the hospice nurses saying anything when she was finally allowed to go home. I know she never actually said it to me or around me. It seems like everyone just assumed, or was afraid to say the “c” word. Was it just me; was this the way I witnessed what was happening to my mother? Did people actually say the word and I tuned it out? She died from cancer; I know that, in her pancreas, liver and lungs, on May 5, 2006. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe her death was just my imagination too because everything happened so fast. I hoped for a long time that that was the case. No one ever said the word, maybe she never died. I miss her.
- Andrea Dixon, Houston
Ps, I blog my thoughts on cancer and memories of my mom at http://andreascyclingchronicles.blogspot.com
(If you have a chance, read what he wrote today... My comments above would make more sense. )
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Don't sweat the petty stuff
I continually read Leroy Sievers blog called “My Cancer,” and today there was a post that was particularly meaningful. You don’t have to have or be affected by cancer in any way to get the lift that this particular entry gives. If you have a chance read it, have a real good think about what he says. It’s titled Little Things That Turn the Day Around. Mr. Sievers recently found out that he’s not completely clear of all the tumors in his body, and he has to go through the process again of more scans, more radiation, more tests, more visits to the hospital room, and most likely more chemotherapy treatments. My heart goes out to this man, not only for the reason that he’s battling the “beast” as he calls it, but he writes every single day about what he’s going through. He is a very gifted writer, and is an inspiration to all those suffering from cancer, and even to those who aren’t.
In today’s blog he makes a list of the little things that he really likes, the simple things that many look over during their day to day activities. The comments posted to his blog include other readers lists of simple things they enjoy. In response to this, I think I will make my own list of things that I really like that make my day, and make me appreciate that I have a healthy, happy life. Most things have to deal with eating or some sort of consumption it seems. I could live on chips and salsa and vanilla ice cream, Blue Bell vanilla ice cream to be specific. I have lived in Texas for 11.5 years, and I have never had any vanilla better then the Blue Bell Homemade! I love pasta dishes too, anything pasta. I think that comes from being physically active, I always crave pasta. Coffee in the morning, in the afternoon, or strong espresso after a meal late at night when I know I’m going to need to get to sleep. I like really good red wines in really big wine glasses, you know the ones that are very thin and delicate. They are fun to drink out of, and those types of glasses make me drink slower because I’m afraid to take too big of a sip in fear that I’ll break the glass some how. I like flowers, whether they are in my garden, in pots on my patio, or fresh cut. I received a hand full of dandelions from my friend Tim’s oldest son (he’s 5) when I was in Massachusetts earlier in the spring, they were beautiful. Jake seemed taken by me and was attached to me like a leech for the few days I was visiting. He was so cute with his little shy smile and his hand straight out in front of him holding dozens of dandelions. That made me smile, that will be something I will never forget. Tim lost his father to cancer a few months before I lost my mother, and we have been friends for a very long time, we relate on many things cancer (unfortunately). I like solid friendships, real friendships, ones that make you forget what time of day it is because you can’t stop talking. Friendships like I have with Tim, with Dawn, and with Jim. I like dogs, little puppy kisses on my nose, and throwing the ball with my boxer in the back yard. A baseball game live, regardless if my team wins or loses, the atmosphere of an American classic with hot dogs and beer! Beer.... mmmmmmmmmmmmm, I don’t think I need to go into that one to much, one word says it all! Getting a hug from someone always takes any pain away, whether emotional or physical. Dawn just told me that a hug from her boyfriend makes it all better. It’s something that makes her happy, and I’m sure makes everyone happy. Just a simple hug helped me get the thoughts of my mom’s illness out of my head for just for a few seconds. I think I could go on and ramble, but I know that just writing a few things down this afternoon has really put a smile on my face. So, when you’re down, think about all those things that are taken for granted in your daily routine. That cup of coffee in the morning, really taste it, enjoy the buzz, that bowl of ice cream, add another scoop. And, as my best friend Dawn likes to say from time to time, don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.
In today’s blog he makes a list of the little things that he really likes, the simple things that many look over during their day to day activities. The comments posted to his blog include other readers lists of simple things they enjoy. In response to this, I think I will make my own list of things that I really like that make my day, and make me appreciate that I have a healthy, happy life. Most things have to deal with eating or some sort of consumption it seems. I could live on chips and salsa and vanilla ice cream, Blue Bell vanilla ice cream to be specific. I have lived in Texas for 11.5 years, and I have never had any vanilla better then the Blue Bell Homemade! I love pasta dishes too, anything pasta. I think that comes from being physically active, I always crave pasta. Coffee in the morning, in the afternoon, or strong espresso after a meal late at night when I know I’m going to need to get to sleep. I like really good red wines in really big wine glasses, you know the ones that are very thin and delicate. They are fun to drink out of, and those types of glasses make me drink slower because I’m afraid to take too big of a sip in fear that I’ll break the glass some how. I like flowers, whether they are in my garden, in pots on my patio, or fresh cut. I received a hand full of dandelions from my friend Tim’s oldest son (he’s 5) when I was in Massachusetts earlier in the spring, they were beautiful. Jake seemed taken by me and was attached to me like a leech for the few days I was visiting. He was so cute with his little shy smile and his hand straight out in front of him holding dozens of dandelions. That made me smile, that will be something I will never forget. Tim lost his father to cancer a few months before I lost my mother, and we have been friends for a very long time, we relate on many things cancer (unfortunately). I like solid friendships, real friendships, ones that make you forget what time of day it is because you can’t stop talking. Friendships like I have with Tim, with Dawn, and with Jim. I like dogs, little puppy kisses on my nose, and throwing the ball with my boxer in the back yard. A baseball game live, regardless if my team wins or loses, the atmosphere of an American classic with hot dogs and beer! Beer.... mmmmmmmmmmmmm, I don’t think I need to go into that one to much, one word says it all! Getting a hug from someone always takes any pain away, whether emotional or physical. Dawn just told me that a hug from her boyfriend makes it all better. It’s something that makes her happy, and I’m sure makes everyone happy. Just a simple hug helped me get the thoughts of my mom’s illness out of my head for just for a few seconds. I think I could go on and ramble, but I know that just writing a few things down this afternoon has really put a smile on my face. So, when you’re down, think about all those things that are taken for granted in your daily routine. That cup of coffee in the morning, really taste it, enjoy the buzz, that bowl of ice cream, add another scoop. And, as my best friend Dawn likes to say from time to time, don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Interesting Article!
Take a look at this... different perspective on things!
A special thanks to Beverly Clarke for her gracious donation today. Keep 'em coming!
A special thanks to Beverly Clarke for her gracious donation today. Keep 'em coming!
Friday, June 8, 2007
I have some work to do!
Alright, I haven’t written in over a week now, but I do have some reasons. One, my computer at home is unplugged and packed away while I’m remodeling the bedroom where it usually lives. Two, I’m remodeling a bedroom.... three, I’ve been busy with other things during the day that haven’t left me with too much idol time. So there you have it. Training, well, I have been exercising regularly, but I have been bad when it comes to actually riding on the weekends. I got a reminder of why I have to get into gear and start cranking out the miles today in my email. The routes for the LiveStrong Challenge have been decided and it’s going to be a tough one. Read below:
Austin:
The 2007 LIVESTRONG Challenge Austin will see the ride move out west to start and finish in Dripping Springs, Lance Armstrong's training grounds. Dripping Springs is a quiet, picturesque community 20 miles from the Austin city limits and is commonly referred to as the 'Gateway to the Hill Country'. Dripping Springs terrain lends itself to any cyclist who wants to enjoy a quiet, challenging ride that encompasses everything the Hill Country is known for: Texas Ranches, rolling hills, riverfront views, whitetail deer and quintessential Texas Longhorns.
The course departs out of Dripping Springs High School, and the beauty of the ride is immediately evident. The 70 and 100-mile courses head southeast towards the quaint town of Wimberley nestled along the Blanco River where the shaded roads and riverfront view is the ideal place for riding. 100-mile riders then head due west towards the town of Fisher and northwest traversing the town of Blanco. The course then turns back towards Dripping Springs for the Post Event Party.
Overall, all the course distances for the Austin Challenge encompass moderate to difficult terrain with some steep climbs. The long course will ascend a total of 6,000 ft. before finishing back in Dripping Springs.
Do you see that??? “Moderate to difficult terrain with some steep climbs.” ARGGGGGGG I need to get to work. I only have a few months, and I have a lot to do this summer other then training. I must admit though, my back is getting stronger because I’m getting better at pull ups since doing them assisted on the gravitron at the gym. Ha! A strong back does not necessarily help my riding, but I think it would be cool to be able to do a pull up, just one!
This weekend I am going to ride. I will ride in the mornings early before I start working on the walls and getting things sorted in the house, and before watching the Ags kick ass in baseball. Oh, that’s another thing... Texas A&M plays Rice this weekend in a best 2 out of 3 series on their way to the NCAA College World Series. Gig’em Aggies! I will be at all the games wearing my maroon and white. Watch it on ESPN!
Whoop!
Austin:
The 2007 LIVESTRONG Challenge Austin will see the ride move out west to start and finish in Dripping Springs, Lance Armstrong's training grounds. Dripping Springs is a quiet, picturesque community 20 miles from the Austin city limits and is commonly referred to as the 'Gateway to the Hill Country'. Dripping Springs terrain lends itself to any cyclist who wants to enjoy a quiet, challenging ride that encompasses everything the Hill Country is known for: Texas Ranches, rolling hills, riverfront views, whitetail deer and quintessential Texas Longhorns.
The course departs out of Dripping Springs High School, and the beauty of the ride is immediately evident. The 70 and 100-mile courses head southeast towards the quaint town of Wimberley nestled along the Blanco River where the shaded roads and riverfront view is the ideal place for riding. 100-mile riders then head due west towards the town of Fisher and northwest traversing the town of Blanco. The course then turns back towards Dripping Springs for the Post Event Party.
Overall, all the course distances for the Austin Challenge encompass moderate to difficult terrain with some steep climbs. The long course will ascend a total of 6,000 ft. before finishing back in Dripping Springs.
Do you see that??? “Moderate to difficult terrain with some steep climbs.” ARGGGGGGG I need to get to work. I only have a few months, and I have a lot to do this summer other then training. I must admit though, my back is getting stronger because I’m getting better at pull ups since doing them assisted on the gravitron at the gym. Ha! A strong back does not necessarily help my riding, but I think it would be cool to be able to do a pull up, just one!
This weekend I am going to ride. I will ride in the mornings early before I start working on the walls and getting things sorted in the house, and before watching the Ags kick ass in baseball. Oh, that’s another thing... Texas A&M plays Rice this weekend in a best 2 out of 3 series on their way to the NCAA College World Series. Gig’em Aggies! I will be at all the games wearing my maroon and white. Watch it on ESPN!
Whoop!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Training update and other bits....
I have had two great evenings of workouts the past couple of days. Also, I have had many people comment to me more and more about the blog itself. So, I thought I would elaborate on both.
First the comments...
I have to say, I have been getting some very positive feedback from those of you who have actually bothered to comment. Thank you thank you thank you. It’s nice to know that my comments and the method by which I’m delivering them are well received. I have by one person been asked for more pictures. To be honest, I’m not quite sure why... but I will do my best to accommodate. I hope that all those who are reading this consistently will help support my effort to raise the $10k. So don’t forget ... donate, donate, donate..... :)
Alright now for the rest, the exercise update. Monday, spin class with Ashley. I have to say that was one of the best spin classes she has come out with. The music was great and the workout itself was an ass kicker! In fact, I think she kicked her own butt because she was breathing just as hard as the rest of us. I maintained average heart rate of 154bpm over 56 minutes, and burned approximately 560 calories. I love those classes... its hard to beat the amount of work you put out in such a short period of time. There’s no bullshit, you get straight to the point! Tuesday was a lifting day. I warmed up with 10 minutes on the elliptical machine, and then did back, shoulders, and biceps. I’m well on my way to being able to do a pull ups without the assistance of the ‘gravitron’. I think if I lost more weight it would help tremendously as well, but that will come in time. My cool down was an easy 5 minute walk on the treadmill.
If you have ever seen the movie Legally Blonde there’s a scene in there where Reese Witherspoon’s character is describing how exercise makes you happy. I love that scene; she says something along the lines of how exercise releases endorphins that make you happy. Amen sister! I always feel good and happy and surprisingly more awake after a good workout. It’s one of the best methods of mental therapy known to man. If only more people would be open to the idea of more exercise.
First the comments...
I have to say, I have been getting some very positive feedback from those of you who have actually bothered to comment. Thank you thank you thank you. It’s nice to know that my comments and the method by which I’m delivering them are well received. I have by one person been asked for more pictures. To be honest, I’m not quite sure why... but I will do my best to accommodate. I hope that all those who are reading this consistently will help support my effort to raise the $10k. So don’t forget ... donate, donate, donate..... :)
Alright now for the rest, the exercise update. Monday, spin class with Ashley. I have to say that was one of the best spin classes she has come out with. The music was great and the workout itself was an ass kicker! In fact, I think she kicked her own butt because she was breathing just as hard as the rest of us. I maintained average heart rate of 154bpm over 56 minutes, and burned approximately 560 calories. I love those classes... its hard to beat the amount of work you put out in such a short period of time. There’s no bullshit, you get straight to the point! Tuesday was a lifting day. I warmed up with 10 minutes on the elliptical machine, and then did back, shoulders, and biceps. I’m well on my way to being able to do a pull ups without the assistance of the ‘gravitron’. I think if I lost more weight it would help tremendously as well, but that will come in time. My cool down was an easy 5 minute walk on the treadmill.
If you have ever seen the movie Legally Blonde there’s a scene in there where Reese Witherspoon’s character is describing how exercise makes you happy. I love that scene; she says something along the lines of how exercise releases endorphins that make you happy. Amen sister! I always feel good and happy and surprisingly more awake after a good workout. It’s one of the best methods of mental therapy known to man. If only more people would be open to the idea of more exercise.
Losing a Parent
My friend Rhonda's father has multiple sclerosis. She and I were talking on Friday night about the fear of losing a parent, and her father's continuing struggle. We were sitting at Minute Maid Park of all places when the conversation started. I'm usually so into a baseball game that my attention never turns toward anything else, but I could easily see the fear and grief in her eyes when she was talking, it pained me and I lost all interest in the game. I have been thinking a lot about how scared Rhonda looked Friday when we were talking. Only word of advice that I could really give her was to make the most of what time she has with her father.
The day my mother called to tell me she had cancer was April 10, 2006. I remember having that same feeling that Rhonda seems to have, an overwhelming fear of the future and the unknown. I remember thinking to myself, "how much time does she have left; will she get through this; how much fight does she have in her; how am I going to take care of her; what's going to happen; what's going to happen; what's going to happen..... ?" What happened was I did what I could in the very short time she had left. We had long conversations on the phone and she told me what she was going through and how she was feeling. I think I provided her with a sounding board. As unbelievable as this may sound, she took everything so well. Her strength is what kept me sane.
After stewing over this for a few days now and trying to think exactly how I wanted to finish this entry, ultimately I came to this conclusion, and I have finally put a finger on that feeling that I have tried so long to describe in words, that ‘unknown’. I think when one comes to a point in their life when they face losing a parent, what you really face is losing that sense of security, and that feeling of unconditional love. Half of my physiological security blanket was ripped from me the day she died. She was always there for me no matter what the issue was or how utterly stupid my actions were. I hold now to my father, that other half of the “security blanket” like there’s no tomorrow. Your parents are you’re only connection to those days of innocence and pure bliss when you were a kid. I am very fortunate to have been able to grow up in a loving family with parents that went the extra mile for my brother and me. They have given me the tools necessary to go out in the world. They knew when to let out the leash a little bit and knew when to let me off the leash all together. A parent’s unconditional love for their child gives that child security, regardless of how old that child becomes. I miss that from my mother, and I'm sure all those that have lost a parent feel the same. But, all and all, it’s ok to let go of that security blanket, even if it’s just a little bit at a time. It’s a way of growing and a natural progression in life. I feel better, I’m healing.
The day my mother called to tell me she had cancer was April 10, 2006. I remember having that same feeling that Rhonda seems to have, an overwhelming fear of the future and the unknown. I remember thinking to myself, "how much time does she have left; will she get through this; how much fight does she have in her; how am I going to take care of her; what's going to happen; what's going to happen; what's going to happen..... ?" What happened was I did what I could in the very short time she had left. We had long conversations on the phone and she told me what she was going through and how she was feeling. I think I provided her with a sounding board. As unbelievable as this may sound, she took everything so well. Her strength is what kept me sane.
After stewing over this for a few days now and trying to think exactly how I wanted to finish this entry, ultimately I came to this conclusion, and I have finally put a finger on that feeling that I have tried so long to describe in words, that ‘unknown’. I think when one comes to a point in their life when they face losing a parent, what you really face is losing that sense of security, and that feeling of unconditional love. Half of my physiological security blanket was ripped from me the day she died. She was always there for me no matter what the issue was or how utterly stupid my actions were. I hold now to my father, that other half of the “security blanket” like there’s no tomorrow. Your parents are you’re only connection to those days of innocence and pure bliss when you were a kid. I am very fortunate to have been able to grow up in a loving family with parents that went the extra mile for my brother and me. They have given me the tools necessary to go out in the world. They knew when to let out the leash a little bit and knew when to let me off the leash all together. A parent’s unconditional love for their child gives that child security, regardless of how old that child becomes. I miss that from my mother, and I'm sure all those that have lost a parent feel the same. But, all and all, it’s ok to let go of that security blanket, even if it’s just a little bit at a time. It’s a way of growing and a natural progression in life. I feel better, I’m healing.
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