Losing a Parent

My friend Rhonda's father has multiple sclerosis. She and I were talking on Friday night about the fear of losing a parent, and her father's continuing struggle. We were sitting at Minute Maid Park of all places when the conversation started. I'm usually so into a baseball game that my attention never turns toward anything else, but I could easily see the fear and grief in her eyes when she was talking, it pained me and I lost all interest in the game. I have been thinking a lot about how scared Rhonda looked Friday when we were talking. Only word of advice that I could really give her was to make the most of what time she has with her father.

The day my mother called to tell me she had cancer was April 10, 2006. I remember having that same feeling that Rhonda seems to have, an overwhelming fear of the future and the unknown. I remember thinking to myself, "how much time does she have left; will she get through this; how much fight does she have in her; how am I going to take care of her; what's going to happen; what's going to happen; what's going to happen..... ?" What happened was I did what I could in the very short time she had left. We had long conversations on the phone and she told me what she was going through and how she was feeling. I think I provided her with a sounding board. As unbelievable as this may sound, she took everything so well. Her strength is what kept me sane.

After stewing over this for a few days now and trying to think exactly how I wanted to finish this entry, ultimately I came to this conclusion, and I have finally put a finger on that feeling that I have tried so long to describe in words, that ‘unknown’. I think when one comes to a point in their life when they face losing a parent, what you really face is losing that sense of security, and that feeling of unconditional love. Half of my physiological security blanket was ripped from me the day she died. She was always there for me no matter what the issue was or how utterly stupid my actions were. I hold now to my father, that other half of the “security blanket” like there’s no tomorrow. Your parents are you’re only connection to those days of innocence and pure bliss when you were a kid. I am very fortunate to have been able to grow up in a loving family with parents that went the extra mile for my brother and me. They have given me the tools necessary to go out in the world. They knew when to let out the leash a little bit and knew when to let me off the leash all together. A parent’s unconditional love for their child gives that child security, regardless of how old that child becomes. I miss that from my mother, and I'm sure all those that have lost a parent feel the same. But, all and all, it’s ok to let go of that security blanket, even if it’s just a little bit at a time. It’s a way of growing and a natural progression in life. I feel better, I’m healing.